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Hello Y’all

So who am I? Why should you be reading my stuff and not following Justin Bieber tweets right now. That’s a tough question. I’m nobody and Bieber is a pop sensation that dumb little girls and pedophiles get tingly feelings over. Sorry guys, Bieber is taken. Guess you’ll have to stick with the boys at school.

"But Justin likes ice-cream and I have a van full of it."


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t want to write a whole thing about myself cause really who wants to read it? I rather put pictures of stuff I like and dislike up and maybe you can tell what kind of guy I am by that.

"DER I’m trying to follow Ice Road Truckers right now. Is it as good?”

This is the closest to HBO quality on cable right now. “But I have HBO”. Then go talk to your pretentious HBO friends because I have to stream that shit like a normal person. Anyways, this show has everything. Drama, suspense, thriller, action, and comedy all rolled into a 45minute orgasm. Unlike most orgasms you’ll want to talk after watching this show, then take a nap. Bryan Cranston,“Huh?”(The Malcolm in the Middle guy) “OH ok”, is arguably the best actor on television. He could make Two and Half Men watchable, and $#*! My Dad Says still on air. “Never heard of it.” Exactly. So stop watching Jersey Shore right now, and go watch this show. “Well I only watch Jersey Shore for the irony.” Shut up.

The L fingers are cute. It can also shape a gun which should be pressed against their heads as well


A lot of TV is crap; a lot of music is crap, so combining the two is natural. You know that song you hate that’s on the radio all the time? Well once you’re tired of it Glee will gladly put their special twist that only a rare melting pot of vocally “talented” social delinquents can do. “But the drama is so good and real”. The realism seems to skip a beat when Glee members break out in song and dance while in the hall way. When I was in school I was late all the time. Who the hell has time to sing and dance before next class? And if you’re trying to get to class and some gay guy is shaking his ass singing Lady Gaga then you don’t stand there with a grin snapping your fingers. You ask him to move out of the way or else he’ll be sucking dick through a straw. There’s not much on TV these days but I rather watch Mr. T sell steam cookers than Glee sing anything.

Fuck Jackson Pollock

Oh wings I hold you close to my heart, or at least the fat part clogging my arteries. These saucy pieces of oasis have only cost me my health and my job (that’s another story) but not my wallet. In my home town of Barrie (We have a lake!) chicken wings are something a business has to have cheap and plentiful to survive. Being able to rip meat off of bone 20 to 30 times brings men together on a weekday. Otherwise guys don’t gather unless beer or moving heavy shit is involved. Of coarse there is always one wing to rule them all, one wing to find them, one wing to bring them all and in the darkness delight them, but it’s up too you to find your wing.

Douchebags are people too, I think.

Scientists still debate on whether you’re born a douche or if it’s a choice, either way I’m dochephobic, and that is natural. These particular “Bra’s” (slag for bro) found in hacked government douche files are a breed formed from the radioactive surroundings of New Jersey. You can find your local douchebags at the Abercrombie & Fitch store all trying on the same tight shirts with the only difference being the colour.” Yo bra, which does I look sicker, pink or baby blue?”, ”Both are ballin bra”. Doucheiness is normally amplified by the jager bomb supplement but can also build up through multiple fist pumps. If you see a douchebag please contact your local authorities so that they can be captured and tested to see if there is a cure. And please remember help control the douchebag population, have your douche spayed or neutered.

4 thoughts on “About Me

  1. The douche discussion was my favorite on this post. If you ever write a book, PLEASE be sure to include the douche bit…with the orange douchey Jersey guys photo. Too much.

  2. “Douchebags are people too, I think” made me literally laugh out loud. I watched the Hangover 2, and never lol’d (well at the end with the pics I think I finally did), but the douchebag comment with the guido pic cracked me up instantly.

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