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By Sean Mac

TV is dying and I’m totally cool with it. I used to watch TV none stop but now I only turn it on when I want to watch hockey or a new episode of Breaking Bad. If I had HBO I would watch all the amazing shows they have to offer, but they want my cash and I’m sorry but I have heroin to buy. I’m sure some of you are wondering why TV is dying. Others reading this are saying “Yea we know its dying asshole. Get on with it”.  So here are my top 4 reasons for television dying!

Commercials

GreenChronic to numb the pain of watching you again

My god commercials seem endless don’t they? If you stay on one station during a 30min show you will see the same commercial at least 4 times. I get it! Swiffer picks up dirt. I bought the damn thing. Do I really still have to watch people dressed as dust getting sucked up by a Swiffer? And some stations do a horrible job with commercial timing. I will watch a full 4 minute commercial on how people in Africa are dying because of the lack of food and clean water, and It will show sad pictures of kids with horrible diseases laying on their home dirt floor, then suddenly the station announcer kicks in “Now back to the hilarious hit comedy The Big Bang Theory “. Yea I guess I can use a laugh now. Although it doesn’t feel right to eat this sandwich anymore, but then again I have too eat it because I can’t waste food when there’s starving people around. Damn commercial, I’m morally lost now. Point is commercials are just getting too repetitive and are shoved in our faces way too often. People are tired of it.

Reality TV

Ghosts even hate this show

Reality TV is pretty much what television is now. Turn the TV on and you can watch people drive, but not just drive, drive on ice! Turn the channel and there’s 10 chicks fighting for 1 dudes “love”. Hey, I’m pulling chicks off me all the time but you don’t see me doing a reality show (My nose just grew 5 inches). What the hell does “reality” really mean now anyways? According to television reality is sticking a bunch of Guido douche bags in a house and watch them fight and party. The actual reality is those tanned pricks are now rich and the people watching the show are poor and jobless. Would they film that? Hell no. You would see a guy calling himself a dog whisperer before you see actual reality on TV. The quality of these programs are poor and the general population doesn’t want to sit through Swiffer ad’s to watch this crap. Not for much longer anyways.

Stream Services

This is my friend with benefits

Services such as Netflix and Hulu are the future of how current television shows and movies are being distributed. You pay for their service and you get to watch what you want when you want, and it’s all instant. People are busy with their jobs, or are looking for jobs so they can’t rearrange theirs lives to make a 9:00 deadline to watch Desperate Housewives. As a part time pimp I have to be out collecting my money and beating up guys who don’t think they have to pay up. So clearly it’s convenient for me that I can meet up with my homies Cut-Throat and V-Banger later and be able to catch up on our favorite Glee episodes. These types of services are my favorite TV killers because of the quality and convenience it provides.

World Wide Web

Not just for porn

The World Wide Web is the most obvious and main television killer. Sites from all around the world just take what was shown on TV and let anyone stream it for free online. No waiting, no payments, no commitments, just watch and enjoy. Of course the web has more than shows and movies to offer. It has everything!! Type in anything you want on Google and something will come up. Chinese dog with noodle hat in space, dancing teddy bear bar fight, Peter’s penis pumping pickle portrait. Whatever! Point is the web has everything and TV has nobody celebrities dancing. Clearly TV just can’t compete.

79 thoughts on “Televisions Slow Death

  1. I thoroughly enjoyed reading you take on why television is failing. LOL. You have a great sense of humor and outlook. Hmmm, it must be all of that dynamite heroin you’re shooting??? Who has time for reality T.V. when it’s more fun to blog?

  2. Not a huge fan of watching T.V. on the computer, but hey, I might as well spend all of my day in the same f*cking chair. Television blows now, anyway. Too dramatic. I just want to watch something fun, not get a slice of “reality” or have a life changing experience. If I wanted my entertainment to alter my consciousness, I’d read “Cupcakes”, or the very end, end of the Dark Tower series.I was haunted by that sh*t for days.

  3. Too true. I just wish Hollywood would pull its head out of the sand and embrace the streaming revolution, instead of doing everything in its power to hinder it.

    I stream my music (Spotify), games (OnLive), and if I could stream the latest movies in decent quality for a fair price I’d stream them too and could sell my creaking Mac Mini media centre.

  4. I came home from classes the other day, and all my friends were Pawn Stars. So I was all about it. And then a commercial came on. Like, what? I told them we had Netflix and we could just watch Pawn Stars there with uninterrupted bliss!

    TV sucks my hairy hare.

  5. Even my youngest brother doesn’t know what good tv is. I have no reason to watch any comedy shows like “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. Usually the shows he watches just aren’t funny enough. My dad does the Netflix thing, and that’s great for doing movies, since that’s all I’ll really watch if I have the tv on.

    About the starving commercial thing, that’s why I don’t waste anything. I eat it, or I share it with….well…the birds.

  6. I feel like I’ve said this to people a million times! I watch more TV at my hotel front desk job than anywhere else (and I usually mute it and put hulu on instead). I’m also the person that walks by another apartment in my building, hears the obnoxiously loud television commercials, and thinks “wow! someone actually pays for cable?! weirdos.” I canceled my netflix after catching up on the tv shows I was watching (bones!) and now just watch on hulu or amazon prime and if I want a movie not on there, blockbuster or redbox. Why pay $50+ for absolutely crap cable tv?? Love this post! 🙂

  7. Ha ha, I totally agree with your four points. Except, I love “The real housewives” (not all of them, only NYC and Beverley Hills) and maybe if SOPA becomes law, I won’t be able to watch the show online and so I will have to get a tv. This scenario would totally invalidate your argument for me and people like me.

    Also, I agree with one of your commentators- that people may still watch tv for Sports. But I don’t care about sports- not that that’s relevant in any way.

  8. Are you a Habs fan? I booked a trip to Montreal to see the Devils play on the 19th. I can’t wait just waiting for my passport! Great post you bring up great points along with some great laughs.

  9. First off, thanks for liking my post “Beno, Serge, and the best NBA names.” In regards to this article, I really like your style and agree with you to an extent, but I don’t think that TV will die and there’s a simple reason why: SPORTS. There’s no substitute for live sports on TV. It’s not the same unless you watch it live, as it happens. And there’s no other realistic way of doing that. I mean, well, there’s the whole going to the game, but no one can afford to do that anymore and who wants to sit through a 3 hour football game in 12 degree weather when you can just watch it on their 42″ plasma, drink cheap beer, and kick it with your friends? I guess there’s streaming a grainy 8 inch picture on your laptop (which I’ve done countless times), but that obviously has its limitations. Also, if you pay attention to these things, then you know that across the board TV contracts for sports leagues are going up and up and up. The Angel’s cited it as the reason they were able to throw so much $$$ at Pujols. Same with El Tigres and Fielder. Overseas, the EPL TV contracts put the NFL ones to shame. My point is, TV’s here to stay, so long as people are interested in sports. And since sports will sustain TV, networks will need to be other programming to fill the airspace. Hence, more Big Bang Theorys and Teen Moms for the foreseeable future. Hurray!

  10. The last two things also have video rental outlets on their hit list too. Sorry to sound to misogynistic, but I like staring at the backside of boxes for what I need (high five?), not some graphic of the front of the box with some synopsis on the side and some random stars that mean nothing to me. I watch movies because after the synopsis on the casing, especially if it’s a really independent or crappy B movie, it will say:

    “Awesome effects, great story line!” Ain’t Flicks Fun – Delaware Max Prison

    I never get tired of those types of one liners. They sell the movie better than ANY synopsis can.

    Love your posts. So awesome and so true. Keep on postin’.

  11. I agree with all 4 of these, especially about commercials, which always make me want to rip my eyeballs out! I haven’t had cable since 2008, and I don’t miss it even a little bit.

  12. It really is true. I feel like most shows are good for 1-2 seasons tops and then they become stale quickly. Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, Glee all started strong and rarely give me anything to laugh about.
    I’ve seriously been considering getting rid of my cable. I love DVR but with hulu I don’t know if it is needed.

  13. So true. I never watch TV anymore. Last night my mother in law called me and said there was this girl on “the Bachelor” that looks JUST like me…. She obviously thinks I haven’t changed in the last 20 years. I was a size 6 then but no longer!!! She was going crazy about this person and said I just HAD to turn this on to see “Courtney”. Well since my husband is a computer geek the TV is really a computer with “media center” and is part of a confusing network with extra hard-drives full of folders of pictures, movies, worked related stuff and whatever…. I think I can use the remote to operate my toaster too but I’d have to figure how WHICH remote to use and what button to push. So I actually didn’t even know how to turn the darned thing on to get to cable. I ended up just googling it and watching it online…… a bunch of brain cells died an instant death but at least they didn’t suffer long.

  14. Yes, disconnected my cable after little over a year here in the U.S. since there is little to watch and too many commercials. Not really sure who their target audience is? Thank you for liking my blog post!!

  15. I haven’t subscribed to cable or any other TV service in months and I don’t miss it one bit. I’m still caught up on the shows that look interesting with fewer commercials and after a while it’s actually commercials that I’m either interested in, or I manipulate the targetting system so I can watch more funny Geico commercials.

  16. Well presented and true. The sooner this beast passes on, the quicker I can replace the space with a comfy coffee/water/soda bar and a quiet room in which to read. 🙂

  17. I hear ya. TV is indeed dying…and I think reality TV has something to do with it. I detest reality tv. It’s the reason why the whole world is turning mediocre…it’s the reason people like Snooki become celebrties! I weep for humanity when I see shows like Jersey Shore. No offense JS fans.

  18. I much prefer reading blogs than watching tv. At least here we get great, pathetic, silly, funny, sad, stupid, intelligent, corny, and thought provoking. All in a two minute read. Now that’s entertainment! Thanks.

    Also thanks for “liking” some of my posts. Where did you hide your “like” button? 😀

  19. Both true and sad. TV was a part of the shared American culture. When something happened we all saw it at the same time. I fear what it means for us as a culture when we have little in the way of a shared mythology. Sorry if this was a little serious. See what happens when you don’t keep us College Professors occupied with binge drinking, illicit drug, or hot coeds in plaid miniskirts, knee highs and mary janes.

  20. I guess I was at the fore front of that. Threw my TV out 3 years ago now. I don’t own one. Just have my PC and when I’m not blogging, doing classwork, writing, or out I watch any show I want to here through hulu, youtube or other services.

    Buy those big screens and turn them into Game screens

  21. This was so extremely funny, after what I just posted. I don’t have an attention span to actually watch something with a plot! That is the truth. I’m addicted, how sad is that………..

  22. I thought Bill Gates was crazy 10 years ago when he said the tv would die out. Guess thats why he is CEO of Microsoft and I am not 🙂

  23. I totally agree. In fact I have reprogrammed my channel line up so I can permanently avoid running into any shows that I feel will take time from creating art.
    The reason for all the bad TV (reality TV) is because the “actors” are cheaper to pay and get higher ratings. It’s all about the money.

  24. I agree with your post, and BTW, thanks for “liking” some of my recent blog entries. I must say, you get the prize for most original header! I won’t even ask what inspired your name, but it’s pretty awesome. 🙂

  25. Nice piece.

    Got to agree with you on all points. I know that advertising isn’t quite as bad, nor often, as the US, but it’s one of the main reasons I stopped watching terrestrial TV a long time ago and started to watch everything online.

    Convenience, choice, and price.

  26. LMAO! This was great!

    You hit the proverbial nail on the head! It’s the reason why I don’t watch tv anymore. I’ve watched shows, even on History or Discovery which is suppose to be “good” tv, and turned it off because of commercials. I even did research on them. BBC America has the least amount of commercials per show as opposed to NBC or ABC. A 1 hour show produced 40 minutes total of commercials! Yeah, sad.

    Reality tv is on YouTube! THAT is reality tv. Some dude face planting after trying to ski off his roof….THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT (provided they didn’t get seriously hurt).

  27. Reblogged this on The Urban Link and commented:
    Once upon a time, television was king…NOW it is over saturated with nonsensical programming, feeding on people’s innate desire to know about the juicy side of celebrity and quasi-celebrity life. The Drinking Hat and Sean Mac give us an exceptional article about the downturn in televisions impact on entertainment.

  28. Love your post! Reality shows pretty much killed TV for me. There are a few shows I try to catch, in particular Big Bang Theory, House, Fringe. Still on the fence about Netflix, living in Canada, we don’t get the breadth of choices offered in the U.S.!

  29. TV is dying! if a show like “Whitney” can stay on the air, while a supreme effort like “Prime Suspect” gets flushed down the bowl, there’s no hope! Except for “House” and “Burn Notice” TV pretty much sucks!

  30. Great Post. I quit watching T.V. to support my Heroin addiction years ago. (X-Box) Television is just a bunch of noise now, “Excuse me, can you turn that noisemaker off — thank you.”

    I just might start following you, but not in a stalker sort of way. Your Blog is refreshing.

  31. No matter how hard I’m trying, I cannot OD on TV! And evil cable company just offered a 6-month discount and we got HBO going! Instead of going to bed and getting my beauty rest, I’m living “on demand” as soon as the kids are in bed! You are lucky your TV is dying! Mine is like a weed – flourishing and blooming!…

  32. One of the fine folks from this blog “liked” a post over on mine…which made me mosey on over here. Glad I did! I will definitely be stopping by regularly for some laughs.

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