By Sean Mac
TV is dying and I’m totally cool with it. I used to watch TV none stop but now I only turn it on when I want to watch hockey or a new episode of Breaking Bad. If I had HBO I would watch all the amazing shows they have to offer, but they want my cash and I’m sorry but I have heroin to buy. I’m sure some of you are wondering why TV is dying. Others reading this are saying “Yea we know its dying asshole. Get on with it”. So here are my top 4 reasons for television dying!
My god commercials seem endless don’t they? If you stay on one station during a 30min show you will see the same commercial at least 4 times. I get it! Swiffer picks up dirt. I bought the damn thing. Do I really still have to watch people dressed as dust getting sucked up by a Swiffer? And some stations do a horrible job with commercial timing. I will watch a full 4 minute commercial on how people in Africa are dying because of the lack of food and clean water, and It will show sad pictures of kids with horrible diseases laying on their home dirt floor, then suddenly the station announcer kicks in “Now back to the hilarious hit comedy The Big Bang Theory “. Yea I guess I can use a laugh now. Although it doesn’t feel right to eat this sandwich anymore, but then again I have too eat it because I can’t waste food when there’s starving people around. Damn commercial, I’m morally lost now. Point is commercials are just getting too repetitive and are shoved in our faces way too often. People are tired of it.
Reality TV is pretty much what television is now. Turn the TV on and you can watch people drive, but not just drive, drive on ice! Turn the channel and there’s 10 chicks fighting for 1 dudes “love”. Hey, I’m pulling chicks off me all the time but you don’t see me doing a reality show (My nose just grew 5 inches). What the hell does “reality” really mean now anyways? According to television reality is sticking a bunch of Guido douche bags in a house and watch them fight and party. The actual reality is those tanned pricks are now rich and the people watching the show are poor and jobless. Would they film that? Hell no. You would see a guy calling himself a dog whisperer before you see actual reality on TV. The quality of these programs are poor and the general population doesn’t want to sit through Swiffer ad’s to watch this crap. Not for much longer anyways.
Services such as Netflix and Hulu are the future of how current television shows and movies are being distributed. You pay for their service and you get to watch what you want when you want, and it’s all instant. People are busy with their jobs, or are looking for jobs so they can’t rearrange theirs lives to make a 9:00 deadline to watch Desperate Housewives. As a part time pimp I have to be out collecting my money and beating up guys who don’t think they have to pay up. So clearly it’s convenient for me that I can meet up with my homies Cut-Throat and V-Banger later and be able to catch up on our favorite Glee episodes. These types of services are my favorite TV killers because of the quality and convenience it provides.
World Wide Web
The World Wide Web is the most obvious and main television killer. Sites from all around the world just take what was shown on TV and let anyone stream it for free online. No waiting, no payments, no commitments, just watch and enjoy. Of course the web has more than shows and movies to offer. It has everything!! Type in anything you want on Google and something will come up. Chinese dog with noodle hat in space, dancing teddy bear bar fight, Peter’s penis pumping pickle portrait. Whatever! Point is the web has everything and TV has nobody celebrities dancing. Clearly TV just can’t compete.