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By Jordan DCS

There’s an old saying in journalism that goes, “you’re not a real journalist until people are pissed off at you” or some shit like that.  And quite frankly, it’s true.  With recent allegations towards my choice reporting in sports, I took some time to sit back and observe the landscape of sports journalism, and, how for the most part, it’s just one giant blowfest – and that’s exactly how everyone likes it.

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I would never say there aren’t  “real” journalists who cover sports – there are, and it’s a rare breed it seems.  It’s the guys and gals who coaches, athletes, trainers, promoters, family members of athletes and owners, among others, would gladly spit on if seen in a public place.  In other words, they’re doing their job as a journalist.

Maybe I’m just a pissed off asshole and this is more of a rant but from my perspective and what I’ve experienced, it’s not the way journalism should be and here’s why….

1.  Nuthuggers; it’s just one big circle jerk

If you’re not familiar with the phrase “circle jerk” let me detail in graphic for you:  There’s three guys – one athlete, two reporters.  They’re all buddies and despite the athlete being kind of a shitty person and having a recent stretch of shitty performances, there isn’t any negative questioning during interviews.  Let’s see how these things usually unfold…

Standing in a circle, all facing each other with their pants down. They all have boners – various shapes, colours and sizes.  All of their right hand’s are on the person to the right’s cock, jerking off each other slowly and with delinquency.

Reporter A says, “I’m going to write a feature on with a positive spin despite ya really shitting the bed lately, ’cause, hey, we’re buddies!”  The jerking off turns up a notch and the pace quickens among the throbbing threesome.  Reporter B says, “Well, that’s great and all but wait until you see the fluff piece I wrote on you about that court-ordered community service you did, the public is going to love that!”  At this moment, they’re all almost busting a nut.

Then the athlete says,” Well, that’s awesome, and if you keep this up and ONLY write in a positive way about me then I’ll ALWAYS give you interviews!” Now unable to hold in their man juice anymore, they all come in unison in a white explosion of protein.  Reporter A, who’s the biggest nuthugger, is greedy, and immediately kneels down and starts jerking off the athlete, getting every last drop of come in his mouth.

That’s actually what it’s like, by the way…

I get it.  People want to be buddies with professional athletes – who doesn’t?  They’re popular, girls love ’em, and people wish they could do what they do.  I get it.  Every fan has at one point dreamed of hitting a home run in the World Series or sinking a buzzer-beating three pointer in the Finals or whatever your stupid sports fantasy is.  The problem is, a lot of people reporting on sports are fans themselves.  And fans tend to be biased.  And when you’re biased it holds you back from actually reporting.

Nobody wants to be in the doghouse with the “boys” if an article or report you do comes across negatively to athletes, coaches etc. but that’s what a lot of people don’t get what journalism is (especially coaches and athletes) it’s all sides of the story!  Any halfwit with access to a pen and paper can write a dick-sucking fluff piece about their favourite athlete.

So why is it not real journalism?

  • Fans become media
  • Media and athletes, etc. become buds
  • Reports become biased, piece of shit fluff jobs
  • Fans only get one side of the story
  • Fans can see through bullshit

2. You get blacklisted too goddamn easy

If you’re an upcoming sports journalist, try this one for fun: see what happens when you build a bit of a name for yourself at a popular news outlet and do 1,000 reports saying nothing but positive things about a brand, chances are you won’t be noticed but you’ll be on the radar.

Now here’s the bullshit part: publish one report that could make fans think negatively of said brand and see how fast things turn on you.  All of the sudden everyone at that brand has seen your report and is furious.. Ah, but wait, remember those 1,000 other reports you did showcasing the brand as the second coming of Christ?  You remember but they don’t, and they don’t give a fuck.  It’s all about “what have you done for me lately.”  You’ll also see their dick-sucking lackies degrade the report for brownie points upstairs.

Chances are that’s the last time you’ll get media credentials/interviews with that brand.  I totally get that brands don’t want a bad image, but fuck, what world do they think they live in?  If they’re fucking around than they should be called out on it.

Here’s an example: Veteran mixed martial arts journalist Josh Gross, who has reported for Sports Illustrated and ESPN, among others, was banned from UFC (Zuffa) events in 2006 for revealing the finalists of The Ultimate Fighter 4.  Gross was exiled from Zuffa events for five years before he was allowed to come back following the FOX TV deal Zuffa signed in 2011.  At one point, Gross was so respected by UFC President Dana White that he was asked to be the editor of UFC dot com, or some shit, here’s a link.  That respect Gross earned quickly changed after Gross reported what he thought was “news worthy” to his audience.

Josh Gross

Josh Gross

Not a lot of sports journalists are willing to rock the boat and piss off the most influential figure and company in the sport they’re covering.  But that’s why Josh Gross is a real journalist, his allegiance is to his audience and not to the athletes or sports league.  Even if it means he’ll get in shit, he’s going to report the news.

So why is it not real journalism?

  • Companies have a lot of control
  • No one wants to poke the “800 pound gorilla”
  • Future interviews and credentials can and will be denied if you poke the gorilla.

3. Most athletes dick tuck at the slightest trouble

If you’re a reporter, it sucks being in the doghouse.  If you’re an athlete, when you say something the least bit controversial and you get called out on it, watch and see how many of them retract everything they said almost immediately after.  They’ll say it was taken out on context or misinterpreted, etc. anything to save their own ass.  Fuck those people, they know what they said and they don’t have the balls to back it when a stiff breeze of negativity comes their way.

I’ve witnessed this.  An athlete vents his frustrations with his team, on the record, and then back peddles after a report is published of him airing his grievances.  Now, I could care less if athletes try to cover their own ass but every now and then, there’s that one scumbag who throws the reporter under the bus.  These people are right up there with the biggest pieces of shit on the face of the earth.

First off, whatever balls they had in that shriveled raisin sack they call their manhood just got grounded up and tossed out the window.  Secondly, It’s not the journalist’s words, it’s the athletes – we’re just the unbiased median who creates it for the readers.  And probably most important, real media backs up each other, especially if they’re in the right.

So why is it not real journalism?

  • It can become your word vs. theirs
  • Get it on tape and call those bitch ass motherfuckers out on their shit!

4. The majority of sports personnel are dull as fuck

Let me rap off some names that myself and other members of the media would LOVE to interview:  Mike Tyson, Charles Barkley, Chael Sonnen, Jeremy Roenick,Terrell Owens and Brad Keselowski.  They’re just a few rare athlete personalities that every reporter wanted/wants to interview.  Why?  Cause everything they say is fuckin’ awesome!

Why do you think the media loves an athlete personality? Well, because, quite honestly, when athletes aren’t doing badass shit in the sports world, they’re boring, and they give interviews worthy of gouging out your own eye balls in frustration.  There is an exception though and guys like Barkley and Sonnen add colour to an otherwise dull interview.

Other athletes like to spew out the same dribble in every interview.  They say it so much that you wanna fuckin’ shoot yourself when you realize you’ve written the exact same goddamn story 500 times with identical quotes but with different names.

Every hockey interview ever.

When I covered hockey, I would go down to the locker room area following games to interview players and coaches.  My journey always led me through the crowd of puck bunny tramps and gold digging wives that waited for their men in what I called the “Skankapalooza Room” – God, I miss that room.

puck-bunny

Skanks

Skankapalooza would lead me to a secured door where I’d butt heads in the media scrums, which usually consisted of me and a half a can of pop (That reference means no one else was there).  I usually interviewed the coach to add depth and legitimacy to my coverage.  He, being a former player and coach in the NHL, I assumed he would have some pretty good shit to say.  I assumed wrong.

Win, lose or draw the coach said the EXACT same goddamn thing every time I spoke with him!  I eventually had to go off topic to get something new from him but he usually caught on and knocked thrice on his cyborg brain programming and it restarted back to his rehearsed routine.

So why is it not real journalism?

  • The majority of athletes/coaches give the same answers in every interview

5. There’s no real stories in live day to day sports

I’ve covered live sports, recaps, play-by-plays, and let me tell ya, it’s the same bullshit over and over again.  I don’t think people even read it.  I can recap how every single basketball game went this season so far using the Miami Heat and LA Lakers as examples, watch this:

We’re at the Staples Center in LA and Miami has never trailed in the game.  LeBron James and Kobe Bryant are the leading scorers for their respective teams.  Chris Bosh is as worse as he’s ever been.  We’re in the fourth quarter and LA is rallying late after Bryant nailed a three-point jumper.  Going up the court, Dwayne Wade passes to Bosh and he takes an ill-advised jumper and rims out, Dwight Howard comes down with the rebound.  It’s the last play of the game and LA is down by three.  The ball is in Bryant’s hands.  Two seconds left and he jacks up a three to tie the game aaaaand he misses.  Game over.  Everybody on the court hugs each other and only the fans are depressed their team lost.

Look familiar?

So why is it not real journalism?

  • Same shit, different day.

6. The side-by-side/stenographer/Q & A interview – no storytelling

It’s a pet peeve of mine.  The pre-recorded side-by-side, stenographer and Q & A interviews really grind my gears.

peter-griffin-grinds-my-gears

There’s absolutely nothing about those style of interviews that is journalism.  Too often do I see reporters doing interviews like these.  It’s lazy half-assed reporting.  Anyone can do them but they seem to be more common now-a-days.  I mean, the side-by-side does work for LIVE interviews but pre-recorded stuff should have a lot more effort put into it.  I hope this side-by-side pre-recorded style interview is just a fad, because it’s fuckin’ stupid.  And the stenographer and Q & A interviews, plain and simple, just look fuckin’ stupid.

So why is it not real journalism?

  • There’s no storytelling
  • It’s lazy reporting
  • It’s just repeating a press release, etc.

I’m a little less pissed but I stand by my rant.  I think I’ll be covering news sooner rather than later… And now something to make us all feel better, well, at least me.

2 thoughts on “6 Reasons Why Sports Reporting Kinda Sucks Ass

  1. Josh Gross did not just write ‘one’ negative article about the UFC. Josh “pride nutthgger” Gross had an axe to grind with Dana from waaaay back. Who fired the first shot, only they will ever know. But Josh has made it his holy crusade to constantly bash the UFC and fighters he doesnt like/agree with. Josh was a pious condescending d!ckhead during his stint on Sherdog, and unfairly treated TJ Desantis like crap.
    For the love of cookies, I have no idea why the guy keeps trying to report on mma. I, and everyone I know, hates him and his condescending conspiracy theory based reporting. He loves baseball and doger dogs. Go make a living repoting on that Josh.

  2. Pingback: Is it ethically defensible to "treat" a healthy individual so that he can excel in a given career? Is it ethically defensible not to? — The Good Men Project

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