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Alright, you little jabronis, we here at The Drinking Hat think it’s time to get some perspective on things from a real gal.  I’m not a writer, I’m not a comedian – hell, I didn’t even finish college.  I am, however, a woman with some good ol’ fashioned life experience, and I’m here to answer any questions tossed my way.

I’ve received quite a few e-mails over the past couple weeks, and that old saying kept coming to mind, “There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers.”  I won’t lie, a lot of these proved that wrong.  But let’s get to them anyway.

In your experience from speaking with friends, etc, how many girls fantasize about being raped?

Dear Rapey McGee,

A lot of girls like to be dominated.  It doesn’t mean you want to physically be forced into sexual contact with a homeless man in an alley, but role playing with your significant other could be fun.
I would say at least 60% of the girls I’ve talked about it with are into it.  I’ve heard of this being fucking hot, and also incredibly awkward.  Laughter can often be a boner kill, so watch out.

I enjoy a good BJ every now and again but my live-in gf doesn’t like to do that. When we are in bed I will go down on her, half expecting that when I am done she will reciprocate but she never does… On the rare occasions when she does give me a BJ she seems to enjoy it well enough so I’m not sure what the problem is. How do I let her know that I would enjoy that every now and again without making a big deal out of it?

Dear Orally Denied,

In these situations you have to step up and ask what is stopping her from helping a brotha’ out.  It is my strong belief that when you love someone, you should want to show them that in every way possible – oral sex is an important part of that.

You live together, you must have seen each other at your best and worst, ask her what the deal is.  I hate to say it, but chances are she probably does not enjoy doing it.  If she loved it, you would know.

Or fuck all that, and do the old grab her head and push it towards your penis trick.  I know most of the random guys I hook up with do that.

What is the best game of all time, Mortal Kombat or Donkey Kong?

Dear Gamer,

OBVIOUSLY Donkey Kong.  More specifically, Donkey Kong Country for Super Nintendo.  Fucking gold.

 Is it superficial of me to dump a girl because she has no imagination in bed?

Dear Kinky N’ Bored,

I think it is in your best interest to at least try and coax out a more sexual side from the girl.  I was a shy young thing once, and all it took was one guy to put in a little time and effort to release my inner sexual deviant.

Take some time.  Give it a try. If she is unwilling to try anything, boring, and frigid in bed – drop it like it’s hot. It is not superficial if you are not satisfied.  But be a man and tell her the real reason why.

ive been dating my current gf for 2 years. i love her and she loves me but i noticed we’ve drifted apart a bit the last 6 or 7 months. how do i spice things up?

Dear faggot,

Time for the BBC.

I’m lookin to get into a new series, what’s a good one? (lame girl shows need no apply)

Dear (probably fat) TV enthusiast,

Breaking Bad – It’s the best.  Game of Thrones, nigga.  Dexter.  Well, The Bachelor never hurt anyone, know’em sayin’?

Boom.

Out of 10 dicks, how many of those dicks smell bad?

Dear Smelly Penis Guy,

I’ve only encountered one in my life, out of, I don’t even know.  It was a bad time.  Honestly, it was so fucked, he had been drinking in the sun all day and knew we were going to be hooking up, like, did he not know?  I pretended to sleep after I was about to go down on him.  You can’t even imagine this.  And I never saw him again.  He texted me but I never responded.

most fingers u’ve had inside u at once??????

Dear Chronic Masturbator,

Three. You sick fuck.

Do straight girls get off on cam like gay dudes do?

Dear Getting Off,

Have you ever been on a porn site or chat roulette? Everyone does it – girls, guys, trannies, gays, lesbians, blacks.

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Got a question for the next Ask A Girl! ? Email: askagirl@live.com

One thought on “Ask A Girl #1 “Dear Kinky N’ Bored…”

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