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By Sean Mac

The independent internet provider Teksavvy is ideal for internet users who want cheap access to the web, but don’t ask them to take a bullet when confronted to give up thousands of customer’s information so they can be sued for file sharing, because they are helping pull the trigger. Voltage Pictures LLC, a company known for producing Hurt Locker is slowly but surely working out the legal mumbo jumbo on how to sue Canadians while Teksavvy is warning its lucky select customers that Voltage is going after their file sharing ass’s  American style. SUE, SUE, SUE!

So this Jimmy streamed a $10 movie for free you say? I should be able to ruin his life by the weekend.

So this Jimmy streamed a $10 movie for free you say? I should be able to ruin his life by the weekend.

 

Now I’m not going to pretend to fully understand how this is going to work. You readers will easily see through my ill-informed under researched bullshit. If Voltage wants to shakedown some 20 year old student/ McDonald’s employee named Jimmy for thousands of dollars so they can show Hollywood they aren’t pussies, then they’re going to do it.  Really all I want to do out of this little piece is highlight a few companies that are in some way profiting from the file sharing world. These companies are the ones actually making the money, while Jimmy is just doing what all the Jimmy’s are doing.  Here are some popular advertisements that pop-up when on the file sharing sites.

First I got a free shampoo sample in the mail, now this! Great day.

First I got a free shampoo sample in the mail, now this! Great day.

 

Free-Live-Cams.  Have you been masturbating on webcams with complete strangers for years but are getting tired of paying for it? This Ad claims it has found the secret on how to do it for FREE! Now let’s just forget for a moment that there’s tons of way’s to watch someone diddle themselves for free on the internet and pretend this advertisement has the answers. They aren’t doing this for free. It isn’t some guy that just wants to share this amazing information to the world so everyone can use both hands for a wank instead of one hand holding a credit card. There is a reason why this advertisement pops up on any major streaming website.  Maybe Voltage should take one of its fingers out Jimmy’s bum and point it at this suspicious company.

Play 888poker, cause what else are you doing?

Play 888poker, cause what else are you doing?

 

888poker.com is just another fucking poker website like any other fucking poker website except for a couple of fucking differences; it has UFC fighter George fucking St-Pierre for its poster boy, and it pops up almost every fucking time when using a streaming website. It’s as annoying as the word “fuck” when it just shows up for no real reason other than to get your attention.  This is a legit website with a big name fighter attached to it so why is Jimmy on his knees swallowing the combusting rod that is Voltages manhood? Jimmy just watched a movie, while 888poker is drawing in new customers on a daily basis. Voltage needs to take its rod out of Jimmy’s now dry mouth and use it to tap on the shoulder of this website.

Music isn't about the lyrics, or instruments, or even singing. Its about......just look how hot we are!

Music isn’t about the lyrics, or instruments, or even singing. Its about……just look how hot we are!

 

If Voltage is going to sue anyone it should be this absolutely horrible music group, The Ex Girlfriends. Porn actress Lupe Fuentes is tired of sucking dick on video and wants to start sucking figurative dick with her music band. This music video advertisement  pops up on all streaming websites with loud auto tune singing that puts Lil Wayne to shame.  They are as talented as the person right now posting another Harlem Shake video. Everything about the pop group is above annoying and according to the YouTube count they have been able to find over 2million people to watch their video. So why is Jimmy being sued? Why is Jimmy being tracked down by Voltage?  Lupe Fuentes might not want to have sex on film anymore but now she’s just trading places with Jimmy who has to masturbate a man with his feet to pay off Voltages shake down fee.

Put that book down Jimmy, and take your socks off.

Put that book down Jimmy, and take your socks off.

 

These are just a few of the companies that are hiding behind Jimmy, but these are general benefactors of the streaming industry that are being ignored. There are people that pay for cable and sit through advertisements on television while waiting for their show to start, and there’s Jimmy who pays for his internet and goes to a website where he has to watch advertisements like these while waiting for his show to buffer.  In the eyes of Jimmy and all the other Jimmy’s, there just isn’t much of a difference. Voltage should focus on these advertisement  benefactors, while trying to come up with a modern method for people to view their product.  Leave Jimmy alone!

 

 

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